As you may have seen, I am using the book “All are Free to Write” by Sheila Allee to help me to feel inspired to write. The third prompt is about times that I have had to be courageous in my life. This prompt feels like it may be easier to write about than last weeks, trauma topic.
Leaning back into the current challenges that I may be facing for this post. I have been sitting with myself a lot lately about one area of my life and the things that I have seen in area of my life. Sometimes standing up for yourself and being courageous also goes to one of the largest areas of most of our lives:
Work Life
I ended up writing a lot about this area when I wrote about choosing myself because I have found that this is the largest area that I have had to do that. When I started doing internships, I had to find what was available. I had to find places that would accept me instead of finding places that I felt would point me in the direction that I actually legitimately wanted to go. I felt a strong desire to work with others and work on helping them in their life. I moved into mental health, but even there I was forced in boxes that did not always fit for me. For most of my career, I was an advanced generalist. I was working towards just being able to work with any type of individual that comes through the door. I believe that you should, as a mental health provider, be comfortable with working with any type of client that presents to you. I forgot, thought, I am permitted to also work in areas that are passion specialties for me.
When I think of passion specialties for me, I see a strong desire to work with individuals that have trauma related histories. I thrive in a more chaotic environment. I was meeting with a person that will provide some minor supervision for me at the new job I have and when he heard my past work he immediately knew that the current position would not be one that I would stay with. He got immediately that I thrived in another type of environment. He recognized though that we are all needed in this type of work, but that I did not feel like this was a long term place for me because I thrived better in environments that I could exist in more chaos. I want to exist in a place where I see a variety of people, but I can also work with people that have been ostracized in society. I want to work with downtrodden individuals. This is why community mental health has always been a good fit.
I remember working with Meridian Health Services and feeling like I fit there. I fit with the model and I fit with the team members there, even though often I did not feel like I did. I realize, in hindsight, that the reason that I fit in so well there was because the clientele/patient roster that I was seeing was very in alignment with myself and who I want to be as a practitioner. When this occurs, there is a bit more peace during the day and you are able to just be yourself. I found that in that position, I was most me. I felt I was able to be blunt and honest, which are my two key characteristics for happiness, without being perceived as problematic or stirring up drama. I love that I am in Fort Wayne now and I will continue to work in this particular community, but thinking back on this makes me realize that I need to find jobs that are in that alignment, instead of ones that go against it or do not fit.
Recognizing where you are in life and knowing you have to make a change then working on that change takes a lot of courage. I have gotten at times that I am stirring up people and causing a few people to be upset with me at my current position because now I am working on changing to a position that aligns with my soul. People do not like when you make changes suddenly or what they feel like is out of nowhere, but the fact of the matter is I wasn’t in alignment with myself. I was just going down the river where ever the current took me and now I am choosing to go into the scary rapids because after them is peace. Work has to be in alignment with you as an individual and when it is not, it is harder to want to show up. It becomes a challenge to go in the doors. You can love the people you work with, and I do, but if the work is just slightly off oftentimes you will also feel slightly off. I am trying to make those changes so that I can work with this company, that is awesome, long term. This has not been a them issue, but instead has been an internal me issue that I am working on fixing.
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